end of year: 2024
Hi! It's been a while, which has been in part because I've been busy and it's harder to post on here than Cohost. (I miss Cohost's editor...) But I thought it'd be fun to write an end-of-year review, which can double as a summary of what I've been up to since Cohost shut down.
Before we start, a quick note: I ported the majority of my posts from Cohost to this blog so that they'd continue to be accessible after Cohost shuts down for good. You can find them under the #from-cohost tag. Some of them may contain dead links and the like, but I will try my best to fix them over time.
Anyway, let's talk. This year was a pretty big one. First, my PhD is basically complete. I got the final paper of my thesis accepted and went to Milan to present it. My thesis, Stricter Arrowised Functional Reactive Programming, was submitted a few weeks later. I had the viva at the start of December, which was genuinely nice — my examiners were really helpful and kind, and while I have a lot of corrections to do (fortunately all minor!) I feel able to make them. The PhD has honestly been hell at times, so the fact that I made it through feels like a miracle. I'm looking forward to leaving academia and getting some kind of job with a semblance of work-life balance.
People sometimes ask me whether I regret doing the PhD, and I tell them the following. A lot of good has come from the PhD — my research, presentation and scientific writing skills have improved immeasurably; and I've met some wonderful people who genuinely believe in me. I feel like a genuine expert in my field. I also got to teach, which was my aim when going for the PhD even if I no longer want to lecture full-time. But there must be a less stressful way to impart the skills that a PhD does than the four years that I just went through.
My transition has also gone really well. I accepted that I was a woman, rather than just non-binary, back in March, and have continued to grow since then. I've worn dresses out a few times and generally got better at fashion. I got my ears pierced so I can wear fun earrings. I use Phoebe in more spaces, coming out a bit more.
Transition can be so exhausting and difficult, but it can be such a joy as well. There's still a long way to go — appearance, voice, legal matters, getting my parents to accept me — but this will all come in time.
I got a girlfriend while holding onto a stable relationship with my partner. Polyamory was not on my bingo card for 2024 — I've always thought that I'm too busy for it! — but it has really worked well for me. It was my first relationship where someone fell in love with me presenting as a woman. I love my partner and girlfriend so much, and they've supported me so much.
This was also a big year for me in Netrunner. I head judged at the second and third largest in-person Netrunner events of the year: European Continentals in Bergamo, where I met the aforementioned girlfriend; and UK Nationals. I've started to build a reputation as one of the best judges in Europe, which is something I am very proud of.
I was also one of the founding members of Quear Earth Hub (QEH), a small Midlands-based testing group. The group has had success in a few tournaments, which is nice — although I'd certainly like to do better. I built QEH's first big hit, and one of the most exciting decks of the second half of the year, girls. The deck got some great results, albeit from other QEH players rather than me. While the deck was unceremoniously banned recently due to the biggest meta deck causing a key piece in girls to get banned, I believe the deck can be resurrected.
That being said, I need to examine my relationship with the game. I still find myself frustrated by how well I play, and stressed by a constantly evolving metagame. I'm frustrated with NSG (the organisation that run the game) for a number of reasons: how my friends have found working for them, the fact that the EU playerbase still cannot buy the latest sets nor the tournament kits for running events in the region, and some decisions made by Organised Play that have made my life as a TO much more difficult. I've wondered multiple times this year why I keep playing and putting so much effort into the game, when those running the game give the impression of only caring for the state of play in the USA. I continue to support my local community, but I am so tired.
I have a few hopes for next year, which I'll briefly list below.
- I want to do more music stuff this year. I stopped playing in the various Warwick University bands this year due to finishing my thesis and haven't found a replacement yet. I want to compose and play in bands again. My bass playing has slowly improved at least!
- I need to reevaluate my relationship with Netrunner. An extended break might be wise.
- I want to keep getting better at languages. I've picked up a bit of Italian (the pros of having an Italian girlfriend) and my German has remained stable, but I'd like to be conversational in both. Now that the thesis has gone, this feels like a good time to work on this.
That's a lot of stuff to hope for! But given that this is the first year where I'll be free of the PhD, maybe it's doable. We'll have to wait and see.
For the first time in a while, I'm optimistic about the coming year.